Well, its been a while. gosh i wrote the longest post i ever have and i think i hit cancel instead of submit. sucks. well, basically i said that a lot has happened in my life i am much happier now. the hardest part about me being on my own is missing my family. i miss them so much and it hurts when i don't get to see them much but work and school pretty much has taken over and any spare time i have i sleep a little or spend it with ryan which is good because sometimes were so busy during the week we don't really have any time to have fun. During the week we always worry about what we have to do. Today was uncle marvin's funeral. we were late. i wanted to be there so bad because i didn't get to go to the viewing yesterday. i didnt know about it. but what really hurts the most is that the last he and i talked i was mad at him. we never had a situation like that before but why did it have to be the last memory i have of him. it had to be a bad one.thats why i wanted to be there for the viewing and funeral because just be there where it was normal. it makes me cry that we had to be mad at eachother the last we saw eachother.

well, i guess i better go.

Eileen.

Goodness, i Cant believe its been so long since the last time i wrote in here. Well i actually i can, because myspace has taken over. i didn't think i would get one but i did. i was like what the heck, why not? Its funny i read like all my past post and you could totally that i was like dull, boring and depressed in the beginning when i first started writing and you can slowly see that i was getting more lively. Well..... A lot has changed in my life, i mean A LOT HAS CHANGED!!! Let's see i am just much happier now. I live on my own with ryan and his friend, i got a new job, i've been to more concerts. so so so much more though, i dont want to list everything, just the major ones. I love how everything is turning out so far, except for the fact that i miss my family a lot. At night its the hardest thing when i think that there not down the hall anymore. i mean there still here in redlands a couple of miles away but its just different. Well today was uncle marvins funeral, it was sad, we were late so missed it. i didn't want to miss it because i wasn't there for the viewing the day before. so i wanted to be there at least for the whole funeral. It makes me sad thinking about him because the last time he ever talked to me was the first time i was mad at him. And i was never mad at him. but why was the last time a bad moment for us. we never had an experience like that before and it had the be the last time. That's what really hurts the most, that it was like that when it never was before.

Well, i guess xanga is a pretty cool place to come visit once in while because you can let out how you feel and stuff. i'll probably come here every once in a while. well that's it for now and probably for a while.

Eileen.

im gonna leave a quick little something. today i hung out with ryan and his brother. that basically all that happen today. i was off today and i dont want to work tomorrow. over the weekend i guess i broke out in an alleric reaction or something my skin looked so nasty. but it went away. i had to take oatmeal baths and buy all this itch cream. i felt diseased. it was so bad. i couldnt sleep it was so irritating. okay well, bye.

Man oh man am i one bored human being right now. i am so tired. i didnt want to get up to pick up my mom i was to confortable sleeping in my bed underneath the blanket. man i want to go back and sleep but no i cant. *sigh* i AM SOOOOOOO BORED MANNNNNN!!!!! i dont know what to do. haha theres this thing on the top of the page where theres like some basket ball players trying to block a shot from a anther guy and it looks funny, they look all girly. lets see what i have been trying to do these past couple of days, hmmmmmmmm, trying to figure out what to get ryan for his birthday, trying to get insurance and trying to find something that i feel uncomfortable talking about. i dont know why its not even bad its actually good. i guess i rather let everyone know once its already accomplished but i feel weird talking about it since its not official. im weird i dont know i feel weird about it. i just do. it makes me feel weird about myself that i feel weird about the whole thing because its not even weird at all. but all i can say is that it would really be cool and i would really be happy. well, my foot is asleep and i hate that so much. ok well, bye.

__________________________________Eileen__________________.

Dang!!!!!!!!!! My goodness!!!!!!!!!!!!! it has been a long time since i've been on here. Well a lot has happened in the past 3 months. I finally have a life with a job and a car of my very own. I've been much, much, much happier with my life now that i have freedom. Now the last thing i need to do is start looking into school which i hope to start this fall. Once that gets going then i am all set. ryan didnt end up going to the rise against show, but margaret and brennadette got to go and so did i. it was soooo much fun. one of the best shows i have ever seen. i would definitely go see them again, no questions asked.  ryan's birthday is coming up and i dont even know what i am gonna get him. he already bought what he wants. i got him one thing so far, only because i know he wont get it for himself. At work we have kittens and i want one so bad. they are so cute. i wish i could have one. well i dont think i have anything else to say. catch you on the flip-side!!!!

________________________________________Eileen____________.